Forgiveness

How do you forgive someone who almost pushed you to end your own life?

I wish there could be a simple answer. That there could a pill and all the resentment goes away. A structured spa day to release all the negative vibes. There is no simple answer.

Forgive them for yourself in your heart, so you can move on from the pain and release all the resentment. Do it for you, not for them.

More than anything, I would like an apology, but that is not going to happen, so I have to find within my heart the love and compassion to forgive her.

I am not forgiving you for you, but for myself. I need to forgive you in my heart so I can move past this hurt that you have caused me. I do not think that you deserve this forgiveness, but I think you need it more than me.

I forgive you.

I forgive you for lying to me. Lying when you said you would never undermine our friendship, but you did the exact opposite. And after you lied to me, you did it again and told me you cared about me, but your actions following this said the opposite.

I forgive you for not feeling guilty after you ruined my life. All the times we had eye contact, you looked at me, with no pain, no guilt. At the time, I could not believe how you could look at me, and feeling nothing. However, I now understand that come from a place of pain and you were only doing what was best for you at the time.

I forgive you for not listening to my pleas when all I asked for was to be comfortable in my own home. When you came into my apartment, one day after I messaged you asking you not to come over because it was not healthy for me, that it only made me deteriorate so much quicker.

I forgive you for poking at my already unstable mental health. Telling me I needed to get “serious help” only made things worse. If you were trying to be a friend and help me get better, you should have thought about how your decisions would impact me.

I forgive you for not taking into consideration my mental health and future. Sometimes we do need to put ourselves first, but when someone is tied onto train tracks and a train is coming, do you have the train go faster so you don’t have to watch the scene as long or do you go help the person in need?

I forgive you.

I am sorry that you felt the need to undermine our friendship to achieve what you believe is healthy for you. I am sorry that you felt so much pain, that my friendship was not enough for you, and that you needed a guy to validate it for you. I am sorry that you felt that hurting me would help you. I am sorry you have to live with so much pain that would cause you to do this. I wish you the best of luck in your journey to happiness, and I hope you do not hurt anyone else as much as you did me.

Thank you for all the good memories, and the bad ones that have only led me to be so much stronger and aware.

I forgive you for everything.

Thank you to all my friends and family that were there for me who knew I was hurting and needed help, but

I covered it with a smile.

 

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