Idealization

“You’re better than him”

“You’re so much prettier than him”

“You’re so out of his league”

“He’s a good guy… but why are you into him? He’s not even that cute.”

Why?

Why does it matter if someone is physically, mentally, or emotionally more attractive than someone else? Why can’t the way they make you feel count for everything? Isn’t that what a relationship is supposed to be based off of?

I can see you treating me right, telling me how much I mean to you, making me smile all day by your dumb jokes or just the way you act. I can see myself happy with you.

But is it only that? Only that I can see it so vividly in my mind, that I attempt to project it into reality? Am I trying to make something work that only is appropriate in my imagination? Is this all a big romanticization of something I am so desperately seeking?

Even if it is not romanticization, am I ready? Am I ready to be vulnerable to someone else? Am I ready to commit to one person? Am I ready?

I don’t know what I want or what I like, but until I do

I cover it with a smile.

 

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