Memory

Looking back through your Instagram feed all I see is her, her, and her. The 2 people who I loved the most at point, but also the 2 people who I have hated most. The 2 people who almost ended me.

Sometimes I think about where I went wrong.

With him, I gave him everything. My time, my love, my heart, my body. Everything. I left myself completely vulnerable, and he took advantage of that. He knew I would be waiting around every corner, despite how badly he would hurt me. He knew I would be standing there with open arms, ready to forgive him. Silly silly me that I believed him when he said it would work out in the end.

With her, I gave her everything. My trust, my love, my emotions, my secrets. Everything. I looked forward to seeing her, telling her every single detail of my day as we laughed at the funny moments and cried at the sad ones. She made me feel like she would always be there for me, that I could trust her, that she would be on my side. Silly silly me that I thought she would be there for me when I was hurting the most and saw no future for myself.

I went wrong because I was a victim of their manipulation, but it was my fault. I chose to see the good in them. I refused to believe that they would hurt me to the point where I thought I did not have the mental and emotional strength to live to the next day. I purposefully blinded myself and walked myself into a trap. I do not have anyone to blame but myself for it.

Because of this trap, I learned my strengths, my weaknesses. I learned who I was. I learned so much about myself that allowed me to grow into the strong individual that I am today. The last two years have been the worst of my life, yet I am extremely thankful for them. I would not be me without them. Sure, I would have liked not constantly being sad and isolating myself from everyone, but it led to today, and today I am truly happy.

My happiness is pure, so much that

I cover my smile with an even bigger smile.

 

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