At my dream dinner party, I would only have two people in attendance; myself and the Monika Cabaj from twelve months ago, complimented with my favorite childhood dish: Chicken soup.
The Monika that I was twelve months ago was in constant pain and could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. She felt that she had lost all purpose and that nothing would work out in her favor, so she lost all motivation to even try. This Monika had reached her lowest point and felt that it was the end; that there would be no more high points for her, there would be no getting out of this hole.
Twelve months later, my heart breaks knowing I felt that way. My heart breaks because I thought that was the end. My heart breaks because if I had made that the end, all the happiness and confidence I currently have in myself would have never seen light. I would never have been able to experience pure and genuine happiness.
At my dream dinner, I would tell my past self that everything is going to be okay. Things will get better. It is possible to be happy again. Twelve months ago, when anyone had told me that things would eventually look up, I refused to believe them because they did not understand how I was feeling, but if I had heard it from myself, things would be different.
Twelve months ago, if I had known that I was going to be happy in the future, my entire experience would have changed. The pain would be to a much less degree because I would be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and that each day would only get me closer. It would have almost made the pain I went through each day worth it because I knew it would accumulate to become something so much greater; happiness.
At my dream dinner party, I would tell the Monika twelve months ago that life is worth it because anyone can achieve happiness, all it takes is a small reminder from someone you trust and your favorite childhood comfort food to remind you who you truly are and what you can attain.